WARNING: This blog is rated PG-13 for Adult Themes, and graphic descriptions of bodily behavior, and oh, probably NSFW - due to scene that may conduce involuntary laughter and or disgust not easily hidden behind a stoic facial expression. Reader discretion is advised. Okay, on to the story!...
It's no surprise men, as a whole, like beautiful things: elegant cars, handsome suits, and for most heterosexual men, drop-dead gorgeous women. Men love women who have all the right curves in all the right places, and legs that seem to go on forever. Those women lucky enough to be endowed with such beauty flaunt it with reckless abandon.
However, what men tend to forget is that no matter how beautiful the woman is, she is, for all intents and purposes, still just another human being - goddesses are but flawed mortals in disguise, they just hide it a little better. Or do they?
Case in point: I was out at a restaurant two nights ago, in the crowded bar section, when I noticed these two very lovely women(one blonde, one brunette) standing around, waiting for a table. They were the epitomy of cliche' LA beauties - tall, tanned, and toned out of marble. They even wore sweat suits that seemed to convey "We don't have to work out, but we like to look like we do." A lot of guys around me noticed them, but they didn't seem to care, carrying an air of superiority that fended off the smarmy guys looking for a little action. They weren't buying what the guys were selling.
A bar table emptied next to mine, and they both jumped on it like their lives depended on it. Happy at their perfect timing, they began ordering beer and appetizers not long after plopping their finely-shaped hineys on the bar stools.
A couple drinks later, the blonde excuses herself, and leaves the brunette to sit nursing her beer. Now, remember that I said that the bar was a bit crowded at the time? 'Cause this piece of information is what I believe to be what caused the brunette to do something that I will not soon forget. WARNING - for those that are easily squeamish, you should stop here, otherwise, continue...
She reaches down her long leg, and starts scratching what looks to be her ankle.
But she doesn't stop there.
She proceeds to continue scratching past her ankle, slides off her shoe a bit, goes underneath her sock, and starts scratching the bottom of her foot vigorously! For all I know, I may have been the only one that noticed this. It was hard to keep my jaw from dropping, let me tell you!
She was scratching her foot as if there was a forest fire blazing on her bottom sole, and the only way to put it out was by scratching as fast as she could! She looked around a bit, but I guess she didn't think anyone was looking, so she just kept on scratching. This was starting to become more and more like that ad for athlete's foot spray, you know, the one where the toes are on fire and the only way to soothe the pain is by blastingTinactin on them? God, if I had foot fungal spray on me, I would throw it to her right then and there!
A couple minutes later - but for what seemed like an eternity - relief must have come because she let out a little sigh, replaced her shoe and socks back on, and sipped her beer with a grin on her face. As if by some stroke of perfect timing, her blonde friend returns. The brunette acts as if NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!
Don't think this story can get any worse? A few minutes after that, a waiter comes by and sets down their quesadilla appetizer. The brunette, I KID YOU NOT, starts peeling off pieces of the quesadilla... and HANDS A PIECE to her friend!
Oh, did I forget to mention: The brunette DID NOT WASH HER HANDS!!!!!
The blonde is happily enjoying the cheesy, tasty app, pulling off pieces of stray cheese, stuffing it in her mouth and then LICKING HER FINGERS! The brunette, with quesadilla in her mouth, chews silently, but smiles at her unsuspecting friend.
I couldn't take it any more - I settled my tab, grabbed my coat and ran out of there as fast as I could before my brain could think to vomit. Now, as I reflect on this entire exchange, I am still unsure whether or not the brunette was being malicious, or, she was just being her disgusting self. But what I can tell you is that I am now sure more than ever, that gorgeous women - however angelic they may seem - are in reality more earthbound than we think.
Beware, the beautiful people, beware... ;)
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