Friday, June 29, 2007

Does It Look Like I Can Spare You 48 Hours?...

Spam sucks. Corporate Spam sucks the most because it completely bogs down your mail server.

I got one awhile back that read:

Personal Productivity and Time Management Seminar!

Do you feel like you waste time during the day and could be more efficient?
Do you want to be more organized?
Do you want to get more things done on your "to do list"?

Then join us for our 2-day Seminar!

To which I thought - ARE THEY KIDDING ME! I barely had time to read that stupid spam! If I could show up to this so-called "Time Management Personal Power Plan," then I wouldn't need the seminar, now would I!!!!!

Hey, if I enjoy wasting my time on blogging, that's my business.

That's how I roll... ;)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

She Sort Of, Didn't, Uh...

Hey Bro.

Hey.

Why so glum?

It's... Michelle.

Oh. Maybe you'd rather --


Um, how do I put this...

-- Talk to someone --

... She sort of, didn't, uh, "finish" last night, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I don't know --


I mean, It was great! More than great! She is just amazing and wonderful, and I'm just PISSED that I can't seem to get her to the same "place" where I'm at, you know what I mean?

Yeah, Dave, I get it, but --

I've tried some Tantric positions, some massage, and even this new thing with my tongue --

Dave --

But NOTHING! I mean, what does this say about me as a man? As a lover?

Dave --

Oh God, you don't think it's because of the size of my --

DAVE!

Yeah Jim?

First, let me just say - you know you're my boy, right?

Yeah, I know.

But we've talked about this. And... I am NEVER going to be cool... with... talking about sexual problems you're having with my SISTER!

It's just that you're soooo easy to talk to --

I know, and I'm glad we can talk. But this is just TOO weird.

Oh. I'm sorry man.

It's all right, Dave.

So... not even a little?

Oh, Christ...

Monday, June 25, 2007

Cuisine-Induced Clarity...

It's unclear
as to when it happened,
but between the
toasted canapes and
the creme brulees,
I had this feeling,
deep down,
that I was not
the right ingredient
for your life's recipe,
nor were you the
spice to flavor my
memories --

We're lucky to find
misfortune in time
before committing to
a Set Menu...

Friday, June 22, 2007

Pressure-Sensitive...

You ask, "Does
this dress make
me look fat?"

I see no easy
course around this
"minefield" query:

step here, my
awful pokerface
will give me away

step there, I
might as well
sleep on the sofa

no choice but
to go with the
non-answer --

"Absolutely, positively,
in no way does it not
make you look radiant"...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Double-Tapped...

As sure the first shot was,
finding you sleeping with
another man in our own
bed was painful enough --

But to see that the man
in question was my own
brother, my own kin,
was what really did me in...

Monday, June 18, 2007

My Blue Hoodie...

You keep me warm
when the night is
frigidly cold

You keep me dry
on the rainy days
I can't bare to behold

You keep me safe
before the crises
hit me two-fold

You, my Blue Hoodie,
are a hero with countless
stories to be told...

***For Jenna Fischer - Get Well Soon... ;)***

Friday, June 15, 2007

6 Word Short Story: Marvel

***This one's dedicated to Ed and Lilly -- here's a preview of your life, hermano... ;)***

Baby's first steps. Daddy, is crying...

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Oh, The Things That Pour Out Of You!...

You fancy yourself a
grand philosopher, a
Renaissance Man - he who
can cook, clean, sing,
and discuss on so many
topics of the world --

But when you said,
"I, have many faucets
to my personality," it was
then that I was sure you
meant facets - sad you
did not catch that --

Oh, you were spewing out
something all right!
Much ado about nothing
gibberish that is best left
suited for impressing those
of the dim-wit variety...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Can You Spell The Last Name?...

***Seriously, true conversation folks - only a few details have been changed to protect all involved***

RING!!

Hello, Greatview Hotel, how can I help you?

Yes, I wanted to reconfirm the room reservation for someone.

Certainly. What's the reservation under.

A Mr. Shin-Wei Fu.

I'm sorry, I didn't quite get all that. Can you spell the last name again?

F. U.

Well, I never! Same to you!

No, wait --

CLICK.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

You're Quaker, I'm Oats...

I revel the mornings
when we call in sick,
then skip off to the kitchen
to make our world-famous
stove-top oatmeal --
gobs of brown sugar,
raisins,
and cream
swirled all about --
we scald our tongues
from eating too fast,
racing for
seconds
and thirds...
...Disregarding cleanliness
in making a mess,
rather, more like
making memories
to revel by...

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

NZ: Heading Home...

Heading Back Home

Here we are returning our rental Subaru Legacy.
My father nicknamed it "The Beer Can". It was
uncomfortable as hell, but it got the job done.





What was cool was that every seat had their own
little monitor...

...That came with their own game controller/remote...

...That you could watch an Aussie Kids Screen Saver --

Just kidding! You could listen to music, watch movies and TV
on demand and even play games.

I opted to watch an episode of "The Simpsons".
This was a scene from the the Stone-Cutter episode.

But mostly I'd just chart our path home...

...And 11 hours later, I'm breathing in smoggy air,
sitting through LA traffic, and enjoying every moment
of being back home.

THE END

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

NZ: Art, Found Art, Signage, And Other Random Pics...

Art Shots and Random Stuff

Art is everywhere in the city. Here's some shots that
don't fit into any set category. I just thought they looked
cool at the time I took them.
Enjoy!


Up Next:
Heading Home!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Friday, June 01, 2007

NZ: How about some Sky City?...

SKY CITY

It's made an appearance in a lot of my pics, and now,
it's time to give it centerstage -- let's check it out!

It's a hotel/casino, and also a place where you can pay
for the privilege of jumping right off the top. See the
guy on the left? Yeah, more on that later...

Shot of the bottom of the elevator.

So here's what the city looks like from the tallest structure
in the land!

Here's that close up of the Vero building. Now, doesn't that
thing on top of it look like a giant toilet seat? You be
the judge...


Remember that guy I showed you that repelled down the
tower? Here's another thrill seeker doing the same thing.
Since it's a bungy cord, they bounce you a feel times before
they let you fall all the way down. I took this right before
the final drop.

Yeah, this sucker casts a pretty giant shadow.

Ah, Queen St. from the very top.

Of course, no trip is complete without standing on the
glass bottom of the Observation Deck.

Glass bottoms don't scare me! Ha!

Next Up:
Art around the city - It's everywhere!
TO BE CONTINUED...