On the road of blogging, sometimes you just get sidetracked by other hitch-hiked stories that come along the way. I know, I'm way behind on my Canada stuff, but thought I'd take a moment, and share with you today's adventure: My Visit to the Dentist.
Actually, this all started last Thursday - while stopping in for my 6 month checkup/cleaning, my Dentist noticed that the fillings in my back molars on my right side, and a bi-cuspid on on my left, seemed to be decaying - or at least, that's what he told me, and it wasn't like I was gonna whip out my non-existent dental degree from dental school to argue with him.
So, instead of putting it off to get them fixed, I set up the appointment for next Tuesday. Flashforward to today: Now, before I go any further, I'd like to mention that the dentist I go to is a complete tech-geek. I mean, he has iTunes being pumped through the sound system, so you never hear the song twice, he has video monitors EVERYWHERE, and if I could get SportsCenter on, I would, and the strangest thing of all - there's no sign in clipboard. It's like he's turned his office into an airport, where everyone's appointments are like scheduled flights, and all the patients are lined up like planes in a row, waiting for takeoff. Today was no exception.
I'm greeted by a lovely female dental assistant, who, shall we say, was a cross between Halle Berry and Catherine Zeta-Jones in beauty - already, my mind is distracted. I'm lead to an operating room where the seat and all the tools of the procedure are laid out, ready to go, with careful attention to placement only an OCD'er would appreciate.
Up in the corner, is a large, flat LCD television, with a DVD playing some Sea-Life documentary from the BBC, looped in the background. The dental assistant asked me if I wanted to watch a different movie, and I thought, "Gee, do you have Old School"? Of course, that would be ridiculous - not that it'd probably by inappropriate for this environment, but I really wouldn't want my oral surgeon to be laughing his ass off while holding sharp tools in my mouth anyway. I said no thanks, and so she just started the Sea-Life DVD, and boy, would I regret it later...
So, my Dentist comes in, right on schedule, and gets right to work. Now, there are two kinds of surgeons when it comes to bedside manner - those that have it, and those that slept through that particular course at school. Guess what my dentist has? In his defense, what he lacks in personal skills, he makes up for in speed, as was the case today.
Apparently, this was going to involve A LOT of novocaine, and if he would have told me sooner, I could have braced myself, but since he decided that he was just gonna surprise me at every corner, all I could do was quietly squirm and try not to look too much like a pussy in front of the hot dental goddess. The Dentist swabs my mouth with some sort of analgesic gel, right before he takes out this HUGE syringe and sticks me in the mouth with it. As he's pushing about 1,000cc's of novocaine, I suddently feel this strange rub on my shoulder.
Shocked, my brain is now wondering what the hell is going on? As it turns out, the dental goddess was massaging my shoulder in order for me not to think about the syringe, but since nobody told me, I'm now thinking about my pulsating heart rate, the huge needle and the pleasant rub all at the same time. This was not relaxing at first, but once I started to let go a bit, I took it in, and started to calm down.
As the 2nd dose of novocaine was thrust into the left side of my cheek, the shoulder rub was starting to get more familiar, as my face was slowly feeling like it had gone 10 rounds with Evander Hollyfield. With the novocaine portion of the torture complete, my Dentist said "You shouldn't be feeling that much discomfort, mostly a lot of water, and a lot of vibrating, okay?" What, like I was in a position to back out now? What the heck!
With pretty much all my options gone, I let him get to work, and as predicted, his movements were precise, and my mouth had a great workout at being kept open the entire time. With all the suctioning, prodding, scrapping, drilling, sanding, and heating (yep, he used a tiny hair-dryer like device to dry my fillings), it looked like I was gonna come out of this okay. But this wouldn't be a story without a little twist.
Remember I said I was gonna regret that Sea-Life documentary? Well, as all this is going on, no one told me that part of the documentary covered the mating rituals of seals. Yep, you did not read that wrong. I was watching Oceanographic Porn!, or as I call it, "Porn-ceanography".
It wasn't like it showed a lot of the, uh, "actions" involved, but there was definite "humping movements" that could refer to a position style commonly associated with a dog, per se. Apparently, these people have never watched this documentary either, as they were focused on their work, and never once looked up at the television. I guess they couldn't quite make out the terror in my eyes as I was forced to watch nature taking its long and winding course.
45 minutes later - 10 minutes ahead of schedule - he was done, and I was spent and DEFINITELY not in the good way. They both flashed plastic smiles, and I could only imagine that I smiled back, for the feeling in my face had not returned and wouldn't for another 5 hours - or my Dentist said. I had also underestimated the numbness in my mouth so much so that when I was trying to gargle some mouthwash, I ended up slobbering it all over my bib, with the hot dental assistant cleaning me up like a little baby. Not, my best moment.
I walked away today with 3 new fillings, about 400 hundred dollars lighter in my pocket, and the images of seals doing the nasty - which will surely be sticking in my mind for the next few days. Again, no one mentioned that extreme exhaustion is a side effect, so I had an awesome time calling the office, mumbling incoherently that I'd be taking off the rest of the day, and finding myself collapsing on my bed for a long coma.
As of writing this, I've only now started to get the full use of my mouth back. Bring on the Jolly Ranchers! And thanks for reading!
Super Winks!... ;)
Actually, this all started last Thursday - while stopping in for my 6 month checkup/cleaning, my Dentist noticed that the fillings in my back molars on my right side, and a bi-cuspid on on my left, seemed to be decaying - or at least, that's what he told me, and it wasn't like I was gonna whip out my non-existent dental degree from dental school to argue with him.
So, instead of putting it off to get them fixed, I set up the appointment for next Tuesday. Flashforward to today: Now, before I go any further, I'd like to mention that the dentist I go to is a complete tech-geek. I mean, he has iTunes being pumped through the sound system, so you never hear the song twice, he has video monitors EVERYWHERE, and if I could get SportsCenter on, I would, and the strangest thing of all - there's no sign in clipboard. It's like he's turned his office into an airport, where everyone's appointments are like scheduled flights, and all the patients are lined up like planes in a row, waiting for takeoff. Today was no exception.
I'm greeted by a lovely female dental assistant, who, shall we say, was a cross between Halle Berry and Catherine Zeta-Jones in beauty - already, my mind is distracted. I'm lead to an operating room where the seat and all the tools of the procedure are laid out, ready to go, with careful attention to placement only an OCD'er would appreciate.
Up in the corner, is a large, flat LCD television, with a DVD playing some Sea-Life documentary from the BBC, looped in the background. The dental assistant asked me if I wanted to watch a different movie, and I thought, "Gee, do you have Old School"? Of course, that would be ridiculous - not that it'd probably by inappropriate for this environment, but I really wouldn't want my oral surgeon to be laughing his ass off while holding sharp tools in my mouth anyway. I said no thanks, and so she just started the Sea-Life DVD, and boy, would I regret it later...
So, my Dentist comes in, right on schedule, and gets right to work. Now, there are two kinds of surgeons when it comes to bedside manner - those that have it, and those that slept through that particular course at school. Guess what my dentist has? In his defense, what he lacks in personal skills, he makes up for in speed, as was the case today.
Apparently, this was going to involve A LOT of novocaine, and if he would have told me sooner, I could have braced myself, but since he decided that he was just gonna surprise me at every corner, all I could do was quietly squirm and try not to look too much like a pussy in front of the hot dental goddess. The Dentist swabs my mouth with some sort of analgesic gel, right before he takes out this HUGE syringe and sticks me in the mouth with it. As he's pushing about 1,000cc's of novocaine, I suddently feel this strange rub on my shoulder.
Shocked, my brain is now wondering what the hell is going on? As it turns out, the dental goddess was massaging my shoulder in order for me not to think about the syringe, but since nobody told me, I'm now thinking about my pulsating heart rate, the huge needle and the pleasant rub all at the same time. This was not relaxing at first, but once I started to let go a bit, I took it in, and started to calm down.
As the 2nd dose of novocaine was thrust into the left side of my cheek, the shoulder rub was starting to get more familiar, as my face was slowly feeling like it had gone 10 rounds with Evander Hollyfield. With the novocaine portion of the torture complete, my Dentist said "You shouldn't be feeling that much discomfort, mostly a lot of water, and a lot of vibrating, okay?" What, like I was in a position to back out now? What the heck!
With pretty much all my options gone, I let him get to work, and as predicted, his movements were precise, and my mouth had a great workout at being kept open the entire time. With all the suctioning, prodding, scrapping, drilling, sanding, and heating (yep, he used a tiny hair-dryer like device to dry my fillings), it looked like I was gonna come out of this okay. But this wouldn't be a story without a little twist.
Remember I said I was gonna regret that Sea-Life documentary? Well, as all this is going on, no one told me that part of the documentary covered the mating rituals of seals. Yep, you did not read that wrong. I was watching Oceanographic Porn!, or as I call it, "Porn-ceanography".
It wasn't like it showed a lot of the, uh, "actions" involved, but there was definite "humping movements" that could refer to a position style commonly associated with a dog, per se. Apparently, these people have never watched this documentary either, as they were focused on their work, and never once looked up at the television. I guess they couldn't quite make out the terror in my eyes as I was forced to watch nature taking its long and winding course.
45 minutes later - 10 minutes ahead of schedule - he was done, and I was spent and DEFINITELY not in the good way. They both flashed plastic smiles, and I could only imagine that I smiled back, for the feeling in my face had not returned and wouldn't for another 5 hours - or my Dentist said. I had also underestimated the numbness in my mouth so much so that when I was trying to gargle some mouthwash, I ended up slobbering it all over my bib, with the hot dental assistant cleaning me up like a little baby. Not, my best moment.
I walked away today with 3 new fillings, about 400 hundred dollars lighter in my pocket, and the images of seals doing the nasty - which will surely be sticking in my mind for the next few days. Again, no one mentioned that extreme exhaustion is a side effect, so I had an awesome time calling the office, mumbling incoherently that I'd be taking off the rest of the day, and finding myself collapsing on my bed for a long coma.
As of writing this, I've only now started to get the full use of my mouth back. Bring on the Jolly Ranchers! And thanks for reading!
Super Winks!... ;)
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