You Never Want To Start A Message With These 7 Words...

I wouldn't say I get a lot of subliminally mean messages at the 'ol sweatshop - er, I mean, office - but today's was a bit crueler than usual because it is of one of those messages I affectionately refer to quite simply as, a "Could You Kindly Fix This With A Side Of F--k You".

And how, you might ask, did I know I was heading toward the slippery-slope?

The message started with these 7 words: "I hope all is well with you."

Seriously, no good news EVER starts with this.

I could be over-reacting, but it just seems to me the most forboding way to start any business message. Would I prefer it to start with "Please prepare your anus to be ripped to shreds"? Maybe not, but at least it's more truthful than the passive-aggressive nature of trying to seem civilized.

Basically, the message started out like this:

Please should you be so kind to inform Co.X on the modification of the paperwork to the amount of US$200.00 instead of the wrong value declared of US$600.00.

Okay, so I put the wrong value on the forms, but seriously, did they have to put it all in BOLD?

The message goes on to chastise my so-called negligence of not knowing that the item materials had changed value -- you know, since I wasn't told there was a change in the first place, I guess it really is "my bad."

I am doled the role of scapegoat today, and of course, the person generating the correction comes out looking like the hero because they were able to catch this "most heinous, and grievous error" before any lasting damage was done. The world is safe once more, for properly filled out forms.

So, all is well with me?

Yeah - just as soon as I fix this mess...;)

o.g.1/31/08