The 60th PrimeTime Emmy Awards: The Douchebag Chronicles Strike Again!...

Ah, Awards Season.

I can truly admit that going to the Emmy's is my grandest indulgence as a Hollywood douchebag. Granted, it's been about two years since the last time I went in person, but man, some things never change. Like Mario Lopez. The guy still looks like he spends his free time in cryogenic freeze when he's not out and about. No human looks THAT well preserved. Okay, maybe George Hamilton.

The last time I wrote this sort of entry, someone cried "bullshit". I don't usually take it personally, but I figure that I'm just gonna set the record straight. I have no reason to lie about this, 'cause this is just all a part of who I am. Don't worry, I'll pick up the names I drop.


First things first - here's the proof:

Tickets for the awards ceremony and the Governor's Ball
right afterward.

Oh yeah, please excuse the pics -- I had to take them on a cameraphone because it's hard to sneak in cameras unless you're with the press.

Taken on the 2nd tier of the Nokia Center, located in Downtown
LA, the new venue for the Emmys; behind the red carpet exit.


Souvenir programs. I kept getting asked where you find these.
"It's right by the GIANT PILE behind you."


The stage, T-minus 1 hour to show. The seats only got
filled in completely10 minutes prior to the beginning.
Cutting it close is ALWAYS in their vocabulary.

During the pre-show, they'd show us the Pre-Show from
E! Entertainment on the giant screens. It was soooo existential.
It's like being at a party where someone reminds you constantly
of how cool the party is.

A crappy pic of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Hayden
Panettiere presenting an award together.

Steve Martin doing an intro for Laugh-In. Funny as all heck
as usual.

Christina Applegate and Christian Slater.




Ah, Sally Field -- the woman I subconsciously dream about.
For those that are in the know, you know what I'm talking
about. Boniva, anyone?


Don Rickles accepting an award. Even funnier than
Steve Martin, this guy has still got it.


Matthew Weiner and the cast of Mad Men, accepting the
award for Best Drama. This show is definitely a force
to be reckoned with.


The blurry after-image of everyone bum-rushing out of
the theater ALL AT THE SAME FREAK'N TIME. This
is where the cattle metaphors all come into play.
Organized chaos, most outrageously.


Inside the Governor's Ball, the only crappy picture I took
of it. In the middle of the room, a spinning Emmy rotates
slowly, making everyone feel like a winner, I suppose.


The menu included Avocado seafood salad, a surf/turf
main course of beef and shrimp, and a chocolate desert
to die for.





And yes, here's me in the audience, behind the orchestera,
stage right.


And one more shot for posterity.

All and all, not too shabby a night.

Last personal thoughts on the evening:

**Christina Hendricks from Mad Men, in real life, really does look curvy and sexy as f--k.

**BJ Novak from The Office looked a little upset that they lost for Best Comedy. Hey man, there's always next year.

**I'm sure Glenn Close is a nice person, but even she can't be bothered by taking pictures with her fans. I'm just saying, a little fan-love goes a long way...

**Michael C. Hall from Dexter is pretty darn tall in person.

**Larry David goes to the bathroom. A lot.

And that's all I'm gonna drop for the evening. If anyone has any more doubts, I'll do a YouTube confessional... ;)

Yes, Women Say No To Me All The Time...

What is it about you?

What do you mean?

You know exactly what I mean!

I'm not following.

You go out with the hottest girls in town - in any town - for that matter! Do girls ever say "No" to you?

Of course they do. Who do you think I am, God?

Name one time that that's happened.

Well, just the other night, a girl couldn't stop telling me "No."

All right, now we're getting somewhere.

Yeah, she was like "No... don't stop, keep GOING! No... Harder! HARDER! No... DEEPER!" --

You're such a dick.

0.g. 7/13/08

Yes, I've Been Here But Absent, And Also...

Dear fellow bloggers and readers,

It has been waaaaaaaaaaay too long since the last time I've written anything, and I can feel some of you growing weary of me taking from the till, leaving nothing but crumbs and lint in my wake.

What can I say?

Well, I just bought a new computer and camera, so there could be more video diaries and singing coming your way.

I'll be heading to Michigan this weekend to celebrate a birthday milestone. I don't know if I'll share video of that, but I'll also be making some sidetrips, so I'll probably shoot on the road and bring back something to the dinner table.

And of course, I'm not pregnant, but thanks for asking... ;)