Shanghai 2008: Hungry For More...

When in Shanghai, soup dumplings are a must. This spot
is a happening joint for just such a delicacy.

This version is first steamed, then deep-bottom fried, giving an
interesting crunchy texture, and soooo very bad for
your health.

Caution: You will lose the roof of your mouth no matter what.

Next version: Regular steamed dumplings. This place is
located in Yu Gardens, another must-see place.

This woman can separate the pieces with her eyes closed,
always the same shape. She's awesome.

Opting for the small order of 12 steam dumplings, again,
just so you know I was there...

The only thing I ate in Shanghai that required a knife
and fork.

Ah, the famous turtle and sea-horse soup. I have video
of me trying this (wait 'til later).

Thai cuisine, Shanghai-style. Consuming this much white
bread at one sitting, even if it's covered in spicy curry,
does not make it a healthy choice...

The good news: Spicy Shrimp is tasty. Bad news:
I couldn't feel my tongue. Still worth it.

A genuine Starbucks knock-off.

A wine bar that serves BBQ with its Pinot-Grigio. An
interesting combination that's easy to overlook.

Believe it or not: Fake Vegetarian Braised Pork, made
with tofu and wheat protein.

Meatballs made with potato-paste and tofu.

Ah, the requisite fast-food shot.

Actual size of a Shanghai Happy Meal.

What happens when you bring Bruce Lee and fried chicken
together. It'll knock the taste right into you.

Living in an alternate reality where Pizza Hut is a revered
eatery. Like Taco Bell in the movie "Demolition Man".

It's a smaller pizza, but packs 4 times the flavor. Everything
tastes better in Shanghai.

Yes, this was the only time where the baristas understood
me perfectly. Venti? No Problem!

Honestly, I have no idea why the top row of drinks are
upside down. But I though you'd like to ponder that
for yourself...

Stay Tuned:
Video of me eating sea-horse!

Shanghai 2008: Street views, Peeps, Etc...

Shanghai: Playing Games on the Go...

Hey ya'll! This was shot while riding in a cab:

Shanghai 2008: Buildings, Towers, Architecture...

First up:

You might recognize these set of buildings from the
movie Mission Impossible III...

Just so you know I was really there...

More coming soon... ;)

Shanghai: Flipping through channels on the 'ol Tube...

If you were to bring together Kung Fu and UFC, this is what you might get:

In Need Of A Clone...

Yes, I'm lame -- I will get to the Shanghai stuff soon. I'm still sifting through some of the shots, so I don't want to slam the entire raw feed onto you folks. And yes, maybe I should upload my YouTube stuff while I sleep and let the computer do some of the work -- that would be the most sane thing to do.

Why do I need a clone? 'Cause work this week is kicking my ass. Let's just say that sometimes clients don't always believe you're closing up shop until you REALLY close up shop.

Boxes are being made and packed, old garbage is being tossed out, and still, someone wants to send something to Venezuela. Go figure.

The lights seem brighter in the office as the bare walls reflect more of it everywhere. So much negative space, where once it was filled with airline fuel rate charts and maps of the world, post-its slammed all across the bulletin board that no longer holds anything of value.

Even emptying out my desk is starting to turn into a very zen ritual. My desktop (my desk, not my computer) on the other hand, that's a different story. It probably won't go until the very, very last day.

That's it for now -- I should have no more excuses left by next week.

End of update... ;)

My Shanghai Scorecard Stats...

In some sort of organized fashion:

Total Hours Flown: 24 hours, 30 min (there and back)
Miles traversed in and around Shanghai: 85 - on foot, taxi and subway
Meals Eaten: 27
Strangest Food Eaten: Sea Horse
Tastiest Food: Braised red pork, consumed on 6 different occasions (one version vegetarian)
Soup Dumplings Consumed: 6 Fried, 14 Steamed
Number of Bug Bites: 7 - 3 on arm, 3 on legs and 1 on the head
Number of Hotels Stayed At: 3 - on account of research purposes
Number of Pictures Taken: 405
Days It Rained: all 10 days of stay
Number of times I explain my Mandarin sucks: 28
Hours of local television watched: 18
Cups of Tea Drank: 33
Cups of Coffee Drank at Starbucks: 2
Number of visited Tourist Sites: 7
Best part of being in Shanghai: The Food
Best part of leaving Shanghai: Coming Home To Ya'll

As always, I've got pics AND video this time, so stick around... ;)

Before I'm out the door...

Passport?
Check.
Plane Tickets?
Check.
Currency?
Check.
Clothes?
Check.
Camera?
Check.
Man-Purse?
Check.
Heart?


Heart?

Oh right, I think I'll
leave it here with
you for safe
keeping.

Ever mine,
Ever yours,
Ever always...

Heading to the Far East, Again...

Hey MyPeeps!

Guess I should tell ya'll that I'll be heading to China again in a few days. I know, right? First blog I've posted in days and THIS is what I tell you? Kinda like when I run out on the check at a fancy restaurant. But seriously, I promise to pay you back, I swear.

So pending certain doom or powers beyond my control, I should have some pics of Shanghai up by the time I get back. It's been awhile since I've had any picture blogs, so for the new folks that have been joining me, it might come as a shock that I do more than just write about food poems and the weather. But to the rest of you, I hope you enjoy them as much as I like capturing the sane and insane moments on my journeys for all the world to share.

That's all for now. I'll see if I post something before I go-go.

Supa winks... ;)

Satisfying a Fix at 1 AM... (senryu)

Midnight cravings for
Lucky Charms with chocolate
milk -- Sugar High Bomb!

Random Haiku #80...

Girl in Daisy Dukes
defines sexy, even while
she's picking her nose...

Fair Grounds...

Pick apart the Summer sun,
pouring out its happiness
To drink the fun in tea-leaf cups,
a return to corduroy innocence

Of fair-weather skies enriched in white,
the clouds no shelter from thy eyes
A minute more to embrace forthright,
the warm cheek's kiss to say goodbye

Up greener hills of untrodden paths
where journeys lay in silent sleep
It's there you'll see me surely have
A spritely skip, and promises to keep...

Screw Hybrids...

Wouldn't it be great if
cars didn't run on
gas
ethanol
grease
or
electricity
but on
Irony?

Of course,
the moment you want
to make that sardonic
remark just
won't happen
when you
turn
the
ignition...

Shopping List of Amorousness...

If you could be so kind
- pretty, pretty please -
Can you stop off at the
store and grab:

A bottle of Summer Kisses
Couple cans of Kinky Tickles
3 bars of Caressing Napes
2 lbs. of Rosemary Hickies
A sprig of Magic Mischief
and a dozen Saffron Whispers?

Oh, if they have Strawberry Buss
on sale, grab a few - if not,
I'll just make do...

Technically, I Supported Him...

Dad: Why is this printer not printing?

Me: Just give me a sec, I'll be right there.

Dad: Come on, print!

Me: Hold on, I just need to type this message out.

Dad: Will you get your butt over here! I don't know what the flashing lights mean.

Me: Hang on, almost there.

Dad: The paper in the tray is full -- could it be a jam?

Me: Let me take a look at it.

Dad: Get over here! Why is it -- oh wait, there it goes.

Me: Glad I could help.

-- ;)

It'd Be Cuter If My Father Was A 5-Month-Old Baby...

Morning commutes with my father riding shotgun are seldom boring.

As per the rules of the carpool, the driver is in control of the "Audio Entertainment". My father LOVES to mock this rule.

I flick in a James Blunt CD, and crank up the song "You're Beautiful" because I felt the morning needed that dose of "Rom-Com mood" to get us that much closer to the office.

Then my father decided the morning needed more "humor."

Every time James sings the chorus lines "You're beautiful," my father makes a fart noise with his tongue.

So the chorus flowed like this:

You're Beautiful (thwpppppp!)
You're Beautiful (thwpppppp!)
You're Beautiful, it's true... (THWPPPPPP!)

I saw her face (thwpppppp!), in a crowded place (thwpppppp!)...

I think you get the idea.

I wasn't really mad; just, bemused by this turn of events. I guess you can say he's just not really into "silent protest."

But hey, fart noises or not, I'm more sure than ever that I really am his offspring... ;)

P.S. If anyone wants me to demonstrate my father's impression of the song on YouTube, let me know -- I just might be crazy enough to do it for ya'll... ;)

Random Haiku #79...

Spider climbs out of
bathtub, no webbing in sight --
"Charlotte" would be proud...

Formula for a Successful Mother's Day...

Wheat pasta
with chicken/turkey sausage
and shrimp in a
pesto-reduction sauce

+

Freshly baked
chocolate chip cookie and
vanilla ice cream sandwiches

=

Mother smiling, Mission Accomplished... ;)

Passages of a Saturday #1...

The light bleeds through the blinds, slicing the darkness of my room into ribbons.

I hear the faint sound of the TV jabbering away. Looks like I forgot to turn it off again before I went comatose.

It's still early, I could probably do some crunches to work off the Hawaiian BBQ feast I've been indulging in all week. I think some of it is still left in the fridge. If the vultures haven't gotten to it.

But I think I'll watch this week's episode of "Lost" on my DVR first.

It's not like my gut is going anywhere...

Random Haiku #78...

Mardi Gras beads swing
on a rear-view mirror, a
party vibe close by...

Random Haiku #77...

Cute girl with red purse
waits by a doorstep, checks her
lipstick one last time...

Firework Shows Are Awesome - Just, Not In My Toaster Oven...

Hey yo! What up, my babies!

It's been a while since I've actually written a real blog -- and yes, I know, the times I'm whoring myself for my other endeavors don't count -- uh-huh, I know the score...

Well, in 6 hours time, I'll be off to Vegas to indulge in Bachelor party shenanigans that may or may not involve hookers and blow. But don't worry, I promise to behave myself - for the first hour.

Okay, back to the story of how I almost burned the house down a week and a half ago:

It was a typical morning: birds chirping obnoxiously, the sky so blue just because High Wind Advisories where on the day's menu, and as always, I'm 20 minutes late for work.

In an effort to streamline my wicked tardiness, I decided to throw some bread in the toaster oven to toast WHILE I got my act together. I am a responsible slacker, after all.

I usually don't vulture around my toaster oven, but on that morning, I was able to get myself made up in time to loiter around the kitchen.

I reached into the fridge and grabbed a yogurt - you know, the kind they sell that help you poop? Just as an aside -- that stuff may be teeming with cultures and good bacteria, but it really is delicious.

Okay, as I was eating my yogurt, I noticed that my toaster oven was lighting up like the 4th of July. I thought "Funny, I don't think there's a light bulb in the toaster oven, is there?"

Then WHAM! Sparks are flying into my toast like Kamikaze planes crashing into the wheat-tastic surface of my breakfast. Smoke was building up fast, as a laser light show was going on behind the glass of the oven.

I snatched the plug out of the socket with over-Herculean strength, almost ripping the electrical plate out of the wall. The smoke cleared a bit. I slapped on a pair of oven mits and approached the oven as if I was about to pet a Rottweiler.

Nudging the door open slowly, the last of the smoke escapes, and the heating rods on the top are still glowing fire-engine red. My toast looks all right, but I toss it out anyway -- better to be safe than sorry. The last thing I need is metal shards swimming in my guts, waiting to tear a whole in my tract at any moment. Yes, I really am that paranoid.

Besides a little smoke inhalation and frayed nerves, I came out of the whole thing none the worse for wear. But man, that was some scary shit.

And so ends the saga of how I almost set the house on fire. Of course, there are those of you probably crying "Pure Bullshit!", so here's the pics to prove it:

The toaster, in its most natural state. You can still see
the smoke stains if you look at the glass close up.


See the rod to the right? Something caused the metal
to melt all the way down to the core, which caused the
initial sparks and the final voltage overload.

Of course, our warranty has long since expired, so we're not even gonna fight it.

EPILOGUE:

About 4 days later, we bought a new toaster oven:

Pretty spiffy, huh?

The box it came in says that it's able to roast, broil, re-heat, crisp, and of course bake.

But so far, the Toast function has been the most utilized setting. And it's doing a fine job - not burning the house down... ;)

Hey, Spread The Word - Taste The Laughter This Weekend...

Anywho, no new sketches from Unmentionables this week - but they are having some live shows, isn't that supernova-tastic!!!

Here's the new promo I cut for them. And if you know anyone in the Los Angeles area that could really use a laugh, point them towards North Hollywood - the sound of thunderously infectious laughter is hard to miss...







And here's the pertinent info again:

April 25 & 26, 8 & 10 PM
Produced in Association with
Actors Workout Studio
4735 Lankershim Blvd.
N. Hollywood, CA 91602

Pre-Show Drinks & Chit Chat:
1.5 hours before curtain time

www.UnmentionablesComedy.com
www.ActorsWorkoutStudio.com

For Tickets Online:
www.TheaterMania.com
(Search for "Unmentionables")

Need Something To Do For 5 Minutes?...

It's another Wednesday, and boy am I beat! Unmentionables is getting ready to do another show, which means that new sketches are on their way, which means that I will be BUSY!!!!

But hey, anything to help the worthy cause of universal laughter. Yeah, I can hear my pocketbook cringing at my pro bono fulfillment...

This week:

"Are You A Racist"









And "Rudy Ruiz"









And if you can stop by, here's the postcard for this months live shows:

A Case of the Friday Funnies!...

Hey ya'll! Due to computer woes that have been pulling my digital hairs out, my delivery of this week's Unmentionables sketches were a little late -- but hey, better late than REALLY late, right?

So on this week's menu:

"D.H.A"







and "Trophy Wife"

48 Hours Since Whenever...

Fighting viruses with my fingertips
flying on the keyboard --
attacking nano-miscreants at the
code level,
yet only coming out with the
best case scenario:
a recurring case of digital Herpes

At Least Michael Scott Would Understand...

Perhaps it'd just be easier if I had "SmartAss" tattooed on my forehead. Of course, it'd probably get in the way of the "Ladies Man" one that adorns my temple...

Flashback 5 hours ago:

As I was running out of the office, my father stops me and yells for me to push a cart back into the warehouse. "Don't waste time. Get it out right away" he bellows.

To which I fire back, "Yeah, that's what SHE said."

So, if my father hears me but doesn't understand, did a snide remark I make?... ;)

Whoa, Two Blogs in the Same Day? No Way!!!...

Hey ya'll -- you didn't think I'd forget, did you?

Wednesday is Unmentionables Day!!!! Of course, you can also check out their entire repertoire that's up on YouTube on my embedded player on my Profile page.

Here's the latest sketches of the week:

"Big Girls Don't Cry"









And "State of Emergency"

Random Haiku #76...

Tried expired toothpaste -
it's not harmful, but the mint's
divorced the fluoride...

Not Even Lint Off A Sweater...

Gone without a trace,
absolution train has left
the station for good...


***I may be a little sad this week, but I'm not gonna let that keep me down. I'm taking back the reigns - slowly... ***

And Now, For Your Wednesday Viewing Pleausure...

It's Wednesday ya'll! Time to get your laugh on, brought to you by Unmentionables!

First up, "This Week In Jersey":









And "What-If: Reservoir Dogs":

Random Haiku #75...

Old banana bread
fossilized in my car seat --
missed the chance to eat...

Have You Had Your Laughter Today?...

... 'Cause apparently, laughter is great for the heart, and I care about my fellow viewers and readers! So here it is, this week's sketches from Unmentionables!

Their website info plays at the "credits" at the end of each sketch. Check them out of you wanna know more. And besides, the more popular they get, the better the chance I can make a living at this!

Enjoy!

The first one is "Baby I'm A Big Star Now":







And the second is "MC of MC's":

Oh, it's A Gift For My "Inner-Child"...

A friend of my mothers' was visiting and she handed me a gift.

"I'm so sorry, I must have misheard her [my mother] over the phone," she said slowly.

She had asked my mother how old I was. A simple enough task; granted, if the call didn't drop between the numbers "2" or "8".

But I guess that's just the way serendipity works sometimes. I took the gift, and to my surprised eyes saw this:

A cute factor of 10!

And no, I'm not too old to love the crap out of this stuffed animal - made, of course, in China... ;)

o.g. 3/12/08

Come on, you know you wanna...

... LAUGH! It's Wednesday, and it's time for a little humor with a side of funny, so without further ado, I give you Unmentionables!

Hillary's First 100 Days:








Emergency Response:









And finally, Candy Man:

More Funny Than You Can Shake a Stick At!...

Hey ya'll, so...

With all my skull and bones-like secrecy, I bet you think I was planning something big, right?

Well, I've been up to my usual shenanigans, and as the editor for the Unmentionables - they'll be keeping me busy editing their hilarious sketches for weeks to come.

Releases will be happening every Wednesday, and I'll be posting them up here as well.

Check them out -- they could very well be the cure for the common day... ;)

Here's a link to their website, and of course, you can always check them out on my MySpace page as well.

Here's "What-If: Pulp Fiction"











And this is "Final Frontier"

Random Haiku #74...

Man at the fruit stand,
selling "melon-on-a-stick" --
quite, the fructose schtick...

Random Haiku #73...

Was forced to wear shoes,
soles of feet felt trapped by heat --
my toes love to breathe!!!



***a day without sandals is a day not worth fighting for... ;)***

Random Haiku #72...

Girl on bicycle,
riding barefoot in the rain --
pedaled, for sunshine...

Deli-cate Matters...

Really, I Ain't Sweat'n It... (senryu)

I'm still a "Plus One"
on "Single's Awareness Day" --
but I'm not lonely...


***If you're with that special someone, I wish you all the best.

If you find yourself without, then don't bother to pout --

love. is. everywhere -

and that ain't the Hallmark talking... ;)***

Have a Laugh This Saturday Night...

As part of my ongoing mission to keep my life less ordinary, I've been working with the comedy troupe Unmentionables and have been their editor and YouTube guy for almost a month.

So, if you're in the LA area and have nothing better to do, why not catch them live?

Here's the promo for this Saturday night's show. The address and info are at the end of the clip, but in case you don't have time to stop and pause it, here you go:

Saturday, February 9th @ 8PM!
The Next Stage Theatre
1523 N La Brea Ave
LA, CA 90028
$10 At The Door
Valentine's Day Raffle
Drinks Available
Bring A Date!!!



And here's a sketch from one of their earlier shows, which is sure to take you back to your childhood, or someone's childhood, anyway:



Supa at ya'll... ;)

Random Haiku #71...

Cup left on car roof,
potential for disaster --
windshield looks thirsty...

The Door Should Have Had A Warning Sign...

All day, I've been thinking to myself, "If I had just waited a few more minutes..."

Flashback 7 hours ago:

I drink quite a bit of fluids throughout the workday to keep myself super-hydrated - whether it be water, tea, watered-down tea, you name it. And of course, the call of nature screams right into my ear when I least need it to. But do I change my habits? Not really. Besides, heading to the restroom at work is a God-given right and an excuse to take a non-break in the middle of a busy day.

I have only myself to blame...

So I head to the men's room and before I know it - BAM!!!! KA-POW!!!!

I've been slammed in the face by a smell so foul that I feel like I just ran face first into Chuck Liddell's fist. My head whiplashes, as the wave of odor shoots right past my nostrils and into my cerebellum. Truly, I could almost see stars and everything.

Okay, I bet you think it's because the smell was from someone's leftover "business", right?

No, this was something far worse.

This was the smell of air freshener GONE BANANAS.

It felt as if someone blew up an entire potpourri factory made up of rotten flowers in the stall -- in fact, I think the smell of someone's "business" would have been better than the effervescent perfume that was invading every part of my senses.

But I had no choice. I had a mission to accomplish and I was just gonna have to suck it up, convulsions and all.

With eyes watering and nose melting off, I did what needed to be done, and shot out of there as if I was on fire.

Breathing through my mouth for several minutes, I was able to gain back my composure and take back my body from anaphylactic shock. EMTs would not be needed this day.

"If I had just waited a few more minutes..."

But the mystery remains: was the air freshener working alone, or was it a "hybrid" stink of some sorts? Really, I'm in no hurry to solve this case, 'cause I'm sure I probably don't want to know anyway... ;)

You Never Want To Start A Message With These 7 Words...

I wouldn't say I get a lot of subliminally mean messages at the 'ol sweatshop - er, I mean, office - but today's was a bit crueler than usual because it is of one of those messages I affectionately refer to quite simply as, a "Could You Kindly Fix This With A Side Of F--k You".

And how, you might ask, did I know I was heading toward the slippery-slope?

The message started with these 7 words: "I hope all is well with you."

Seriously, no good news EVER starts with this.

I could be over-reacting, but it just seems to me the most forboding way to start any business message. Would I prefer it to start with "Please prepare your anus to be ripped to shreds"? Maybe not, but at least it's more truthful than the passive-aggressive nature of trying to seem civilized.

Basically, the message started out like this:

Please should you be so kind to inform Co.X on the modification of the paperwork to the amount of US$200.00 instead of the wrong value declared of US$600.00.

Okay, so I put the wrong value on the forms, but seriously, did they have to put it all in BOLD?

The message goes on to chastise my so-called negligence of not knowing that the item materials had changed value -- you know, since I wasn't told there was a change in the first place, I guess it really is "my bad."

I am doled the role of scapegoat today, and of course, the person generating the correction comes out looking like the hero because they were able to catch this "most heinous, and grievous error" before any lasting damage was done. The world is safe once more, for properly filled out forms.

So, all is well with me?

Yeah - just as soon as I fix this mess...;)

o.g.1/31/08

Funny, I Don’t Feel Like A Finkelstein, Either...

True story:

I was at a Starbuck's last week, and this is how it went down:

Employee: Hi, what would you like today?

Me: I'll have a Venti Green Tea Iced Tea, Unsweetened please.

Employee: What's your name? (scribbling on the cup)

Me: Albert.

And so I get my drink, sip it on the way to work, and when I set it down on my desk I finally notice it:



And then I thought, did I grab someone else's drink? But then everyone else was ordering hot beverages, and just me the weirdo getting something cold in the morning.

It must be all the loud blending noise in the background. Yeah, that's it.

And besides, ALBERT is a pretty easy name to screw up... ;)

o.g. 1/29/08

Cubicle Ponderings 012308...

Why would a solar-powered calculator need an "Off" button?... ;)

o.g.1/23/08

How My Saturday Night Went Down...

What was supposed to happen but didn't:

What ended up being the remedy to a bad situation:



Ah, messy All-You-Can Eat and full stomachs
triumphs once more... ;)