China HK 2007: Kunming, Yunnan Province - China

Wow, what can be said about Kunming that hasn't already been jotted down by Wikipedia?

Okay, where is it, you ask? Well, it's somewhere in the middle of China, and not quite near Tibet nor too low towards Beijing. Think, flyover-state, like a combination of Kansas, Tennessee and Nebraska. Believe me, it's on the map.

Anyhow, I'm gonna let the pics do the talking for awhile:

The view from our hotel room -- kinda like the skyline in Dallas.

We stayed right across from this giant convention center --
that no one seems to be using. It's 6 times larger than the
Staple Center, and just waiting to be filled, with, well, anybody.

This is the entrance to some caves we saw. It was kinda
like going to Yosemite -- if they turned it into an
amusement park.

Here are 4 female tour guides and their pimp. As you can
see, he means business.




This cave would stretch into the mountain a few miles or so.


We went into this thing called the Lion's Cave, 'cause the
rock in front of you looks like a Lion -- doesn't it?

They transformed the entire cave into a gift shop/kiosk.
Come for the beauty, stay for the knick-knacks.

And if you're lucky, you can buy...

Funny looking cigarette holders! Woo-Hoo!

With even more walking, the caves ended up looking a lot
like this:



Stalactites and stalagmites bathed in multi-colored lights.
As if Walt Disney stopped by and consulted on the deco.





Check it out! Can you see the sign in the bottom right corner?
And you thought the "Dark Knight" lived in Gotham City!

I'm not gonna lie. Everyone posed in front of this thing and
I didn't want to feel left out. Oh, the peer pressure!

This was the last 3 flights of stairs we needed to walk up
in order to get out of the caves. Although there were guys
lined up with sedans (basically, carrying your ass out) at the
bottom, most of us sucked it up and hit the pavement, er,
bamboo steps. I even helped out an old lady that was on
the tour with us. And I'm happy to report, she made it
through all 20 flights.

On the way back, we got to ride this ski lift back to the top
of the hill where our bus was (we will end up doing this
a lot at the other sights we go to).

Good thing I'm not afraid of heights -- much.

And the view was totally worth it.

As we were heading back, I saw that sign in the right hand
corner. It seems they're more worried about you dropping
garbage on the ground than YOU dropping on the ground.
Then again, it's a bitch to get the custodians down there!

Next Up: The Stone Forest

Literally made up of stones across a few acres, this place
TOTALLY ROCKED!

Check it out. Doesn't that rock look like a... here's a hint: it
goes "oink".

Now this was pretty cool. The guy is proposing to the girl
in one of the locals' ceremonies. The girl is supposed to refuse
a few times, so the guy has to keep pleading until she caves.
And with much persistence, she finally said yes, but not before
rushing into the bushes with the young man chasing after her.
Seriously, this part I am not making up. The happy couple
literally rode into the sunset -- their cars were parked a few
feet away.

I know, without the stones, it looks like the back 9 at Augusta.
However, it'd only be half true. The grass is actually, from
America -- imported Kentucky Bluegrass. Seriously,
I can't make this stuff up.



See that temple-looking thing at the top. We were gonna
once again hike up there...

... To capture this view.

Heck, I even took a tourist-pose with it.

All right, that's it for now.

Next up:

More of Kunming, the city itself...

Thanksgiving 2007 - Best Turkey EVER!...

Ah, what a Thanksgiving -- the combination of great food, friends and family never gets old. I have a lot to be thankful for, but most importantly, I'm thankful for being able to share this all with you.

Unlike last year, I didn't have to do Thanksgiving dinner solo: Mama did most of it, and I handled one side dish in particular (the pics toward the bottom). And since Mama was in charge, the turkey was absolutely stellar; juicy and delicious with that nice golden color that looks too darn good to be true. But you don't have to take my word for it, the proof is in the picture.

I hope ya'll had a good time too, and now, without further ado - THE PICS!

Ah, the stuffing. This is only the first phase, where the wet ingredients are cooked first.

The naked bird, in all it's glory. The recipe for the included ingredients is a secret, but the taste is for all the world.


Can't have turkey without the requisite fruit sauces to go with it: apple chutney on the left, cranberry chutney on the right...


... And canned-goods need some love'n too! Our family likes to "slice" our cranberry sauce straight from the can.


This ham brought to you by Honeybaked: When you need it delicious and taken home 10 minutes before closing, it's the brand for you.


The usual suspects -- Potatoes and corn go like peas and carrots.


Yep, that's me, boiling water. I got sooooo demoted!


Eh, just kidding! I'm here working on my side dish -- Pasta Shells and Cheese! I was gonna go with Macaroni, but I thought that I'd go a little fancier for the holiday.


First phase complete. The main sauce was alfredo, and I threw in some cheddar to give it that "extra boost." Cook at 320 for about 10 minutes and you should get something...


... That looks like this! You're not looking for that "too burned" cheese-look for this dish. More subtle, like you just slapped this thing last minute, but it's gonna taste good.


And finally, pose with said-dish, and watch it slowly disappear. Grins and smiles on faces should be the apropos norm.


The stuffing, with the croutons mixed in last so they won't sog up too quickly. Baked in the last half of the cooking cycle, it came out really well this year.


All right, with all the key players in their positions, what could be missing?


Friends and family? Got that covered. Okay, what you've all been waiting for...


BAM! Now is that a turkey, or is that a TURKEY! kudos to the mama - not bad for never having used this particular oven before (we've moved into a new place). What did I do to help out? Well, I did set the Digital timer, so I guess my share would be 20% out of 80%...


This is how I roll -- sweet potato, shells 'n cheese, and a piece of turkey that looks like roast duck. Fan-tabulous!


And remember, with no one to share this with, Thanksgiving just ain't the same.

Have a good'n and I'll catch ya'll in a bit... ;)

o.g.11/23/07

Haiku I Wrote On the Bus in Kunming...

When jet lag sets in,
heed this old traveler's trick --
eat some spicy food...



***Sorry it's taking so long with the pics -- I shot A LOT! And trying to find the rights ones will take a bit of time to upload and post. Anyhow, Happy Thanksgiving, and as always, Supa at ya!... ;)***

They Said "I Do" No Matter What...

I've broken my vow of "no blogging til the script's complete" because for this memory, I just had to share, even if it's just so I know that it really happened.

I attended this wedding Saturday at this beautiful place in Malibu -- it overlooked the Pacific, the breeze was blowing through the slight marine layer, and happiness was in the air.

Of course, things were going too well, so nature had other things in mind. The whole event was outdoors, and after this week of firestorms and zero rain in California, Mother Nature decided now to grant us a little sprinkle from the heavens, literally, "raining on the whole parade."

The light drizzle turned into a tiny downpour as the wedding ceremony went underway. We sat there like fools (no one had an umbrella), watching the couple get married - get this - by both a Priest AND a Rabbi (the service was mutli-denominational/inter-faith). It all felt like we were in the middle of a strange Mel Brooks comedy - a slight tear in the fabric of space which allowed us all to witness something pretty cool.

Although I hoped that they could get through their vows a bit faster because I could feel the water seeping right through my suit, I nonetheless enjoyed witnessing those two people commit themselves together, to say to the world "We love each other, and this day, nothing is gonna bring us down." And of course, as the newly joined bride and groom walked down the aisle together, the rain stopped, much to the chagrin of all in attendance. Someone up there surely has a sense of humor.

During the cocktail reception before dinner, the clouds and the marine layer broke for a few minutes. The bride and groom grabbed the photographers and took a picture with this beautiful sunset back-lighting them, a true Kodak moment. It is one of my personal highlights of the day.

The dinner was also outdoors, and Mother Nature continued to give us a reprieve. We dined on delicious food under the stars, and everyone joined together in the camaraderie that only comes from sharing a collective mishap - "How about that rain, huh?" became the most favored ice breaker, the spark of the evening.

So the wedding didn't go exactly as planned, so what? People made do, and the couple didn't sweat it. I think the whole thing would have turned out more sour if they seemed pissed off at how the weather turned out, but if it's one thing I've taken from all this, it's this:

Sometimes you've just got to roll with it.

'Cause who knows? Perhaps perfection really is beheld in the eye of the moment... ;)

Awww Dad! Setting Me Up For A Perfect "Family Guy" Moment...

To cap off this week of stories revolving around my dad, I'd like to share something that happened just today:

I was commenting on a buddy of mine's wedding, and how it's turning into this big fiasco, when my father goes, "Now remember: when YOU get married, make sure you don't make it SOOO extravagant. You're NOT Prince Charles.

And of course, I couldn't help myself.

"Really, Dad? You mean that I'm not a member of the royal family who will fall madly in love with a woman, only to marry an even more GORGEOUS woman with a commoner status, yet secretly harbor feelings for the other woman while being married 20 or so years to one of the greatest iconic figures of the 20th Century? And then, because I have no concept of real estate, buy up large amounts of land across the U.K. only to never develop it because I'm too busy trying to find the difference between my Bow and Aft? And on top of that, pursue the woman I was meant to be with all along, although she now looks like she has a permanent grimace from eating too much grapefruit? Then yeah - no, I'm not Prince Charles.

"Just keep it simple," my father replies.

Peter Griffin would be so proud of me...

Have a great weekend, friends! And I'll catch ya'll on the flipside... ;)

Caught In An Inescapable Tractor-Beamed Asian-Moment...

Another conversation with my Dad. Hilarity ensues.


So son, what did you do last night?

I went out to play tennis as usual.

Did you have dinner afterwards?

No, I was pretty tired. And it was getting late, so I just skipped it.

You didn't eat anything?

Nope.

You shouldn't be skipping dinner. You don't want to start eating illleglray.


I'm sorry, what did you say?

Irleguarly.

Come again?


IRREGULARLY! You shouldn't be eating so IRREGULARLY!

Oh. I see.

So... don't skip meals.

Got it, Dad.


And, scene... ;)

o.g. 3/29/07

Under The Influence...(senryu)

Too much alcohol
lead me to sing "Uptown Girl" --
Billy would be pleased...

Platonic...

There are worse things in
the world than to be called,
"Just Friends"

But being "platonic" is
like a runner-up prize -
a toaster you don't want

When a kiss to the cheek
is merely a fancy,
accustomed salutation

Caressing their arm
gives you tingles, but
to them, static shock

While secretly pining
for more, we dig deeper
into our grave "made for one" --

Not realizing that a little
bit of something, is better
than nothing at all...

o.g. 2/21/07

I'm Pretty Sure...

I'm pretty sure
I'll never understand
a woman's desire
for Jimmy Choos

I'm pretty sure
I'll never understand
why women travel in
packs to the restroom

I'm pretty sure
I'll win an argument
with a woman only
when she wants me to

But most all --

I'm pretty sure,
that you'll still love
me with all the things
I put YOU through...

o.g. 2/14/07

Ode to Frost-ed Paths...

Through a street of
cobblestones unset with
cement still drying,
I walk with you
by my side, strolling along
this road not taken,
but somehow, strangely familiar --
fear walks with us, though I
am glad that it only follows
way in the back,
several steps behind...

o.g. 2/18/07

2007 Emmys: My Strange Highlights Of Last Night...

As some of you may or may not know, I sometimes attend the Emmy Awards.

Highlights in my mental scrapbook:

1. I accidentally walked right into Robert Duvall -- twice. "Excuse me," he'd say, as I apologized profusely. That man is a true gentleman -- to put up with my curse of clumsiness.

2. While finding an empty spot during a commercial break, Ron Jeremy sat behind me. I thought about introducing myself, but then I'd have to shake his hand, and sadly, I KNOW where it's been.

3. Watching Tony Bennett perform live -- on the award show and then at the Governor's Ball. That was a real treat.

4. Running into Jerry Ferrara (Turtle, from Entourage) at the Men's restroom. Hey, even stars have to tinkle sometime. But you don't always believe it until you see it for yourself.

5. And finally, trailing behind Chandra Wilson (Grey's Anatomy) while exiting out of the Shrine Auditorium. While she took some photos with a few crazy-obsessed fans, I was behind her in the photos -- it looked like I was part of her entourage. It made me feel "special".

Well, I think that's enough name-dropping. Thanks for allowing me to indulge my inner "Hollywood douchebag".

Back to regularly scheduled programming in a bit... ;)

o.g. 9/16/07

Open-Mike Night On Checkout #6...

I was at the Supermarket the other evening (God, why do all the funniest things happen when I go shopping, but I digress) and this Scruffy old man was right in front of us.

Needless to say, he took forever to pay the cashier, but he did something that was totally worth the wait.

"Gather 'round!," he shouted. "I'm gonna tell you all a joke, and I'm sorry if you've heard this one, but I guarantee that this is funny!"

The people around the checkout lines, the store manager and the bag boy and girl all stared at him, myself included. He raises his arms as if Moses on the mountaintop, and goes:

"What did Paris Hilton's Right Knee say to the Left Knee?"

We're all silent, waiting with anticipation.

"Nothing -- they've never met!"

A collective groan and muffled laughter erupts all over the checkout lines. Mothers with young children where aghast. I wouldn't blame them.

It was pretty damn dirty, and pretty damn funny, and God, it hits you right in the forehead.

Of course, proper decorum must be restored, so the manager came by and told the old man to keep it down, and the old man obliged.

But he knew he killed, and that's all that mattered.

After taking another hella-forever to pay for his items, he smiled at the checkout girl and said, "I'll be back later."

And may fortune bless me with another run-in with this "Supermarket Comic"... ;)

o.g. 091107

9/11: The Moment I Knew This Was For Real... (haiku)

Airplanes were grounded,
not a turbine to be heard.
Silence, said it all.


***Now that I'm back living near LAX, it is such reassurances of this kind of noise pollution that I gladly look forward to, than having the alternative. This is where my thoughts are, on this day***

Evaporating Slowly... (senryu)

Damp, office carpet,
like an indoor Everglades --
it still smells like poo...


***Dear friends, I hope to get back to my usual writing self when this latest conundrum subsides... ;)***

Some Days I'd Rather Have The Office Be Boring...

Some mornings, you just don't really see the day coming at you.

Right before breakfast I got the call.

Our office was flooded last night.

I arrived at the scene to discover half the warehouse was covered in an inch of water, and seeped all the way into the operations center. I immediately ordered stuff to be taken off the ground and water to be mopped up as best as possible.

Then someone came up with the idea of using one of those Wet/Dry Vacs from Home Depot, and man, let me tell you -- if you've got minor flooding happening to you, this thing really does do a great job of sucking water up (Home Depot, I'll be glad to do a testimonial).

While someone cleaned the aisles, I focused on getting all the electrical stuff up off the ground, and in hindsight, perhaps I should have been more careful - I mean, I was surrounded by water, live electrical outlets, and not to mention wet carpeting. But I figured that if the waterline wasn't too far above the outlets, risk of death by electrocution would be minimal.

So I went for it, and only shit my pants afterword. (NOTE: If you find yourself in the same situation, for the love of God, turn off the power. Don't be a lucky idiot like me).

After that, the day was a whole lot of chaos, catching up, and dampness EVERYWHERE. Some of the computers were still in really wet areas, so we kept those offline. It made for really cramped quarters, as four of us were each sharing two computers that there unaffected by the flood. I don't care where you work at -- if you try and work at someone else's desk, it's one of the most disorienting things in the world. 5 Minutes in, and I was begging for my usual "Mise-en-Desk".

Several hours later, the flood has stopped, I'm here banging this away on a colleague's computer, and glad to see water evaporating off the warehouse floor. I guess the hot weather has served a purpose after all.

I come to the stark conclusion that sometimes in life, you just have to be shit on. It was just our turn.

But I'm just glad that not every day is like today... ;)

Trust Me, Baby...

I want to take along:
A GPS Device
A map of the countryside
A spare compass

But you insist we only need:
Directions scribbled on a cocktail napkin

"Baby, what if we get lost?" I ask.

"Then we'll be lost -- together. Trust me, baby."

"Okay..."

6 Weird Things About Me - All In Senryu!...

I enjoy coffee
stale, if it is poured from a
big, yellow carafe

I like the pain in
my feet because it reminds
me I'm still alive

I once beat a bunch
of Trekkies at Star Trek
Trivial Pursuit - yeah!

I like orange juice
with pulp in the Spring, and no
pulp in the Summer

I prefer to watch
independent films alone --
it's for my "me time"

I once tried to start
a Crowded House tribute band --
but the dream WAS over... ;)

***That's all folks. Thanks to Dan for the tag, and hey, if you've got weirdness to share, go right ahead***

Humidity Cure... (senryu)

Lipton brewed iced tea,
sweet on a hot summer day -
caffeine-me away...

o.g. 2/20/07

Room with a View...

I recall when you
absolutely had to have
a room with a view
of the white-sands beach
with mango-colored sunsets

But instead, we wasted the
whole time there with
eyes closed, bodies closer,
and letting nature do its
chores without us...

Good times.

It's How He Uses The Web (senryu)...

Dad reads e-mail like
Kasparov plotting chess moves --
But Dad, that one's SPAM!...

Convoluted by the Stove...

Hey Mom. What are you doing sitting at the counter?

I'm waiting for the pot to boil.

Hehe. You know, a watched pot never boils.

What's that?

That expression, a watched pot never boils?

Oh, it's gonna boil.

Well, I know that.

Then what are you talking about?

That expression... you've never heard that?

Heard what?

Well, they say if you watch it, it's supposed to take forev--

Scoot over! Can't you see it's boiling over! Where are my oven mits? You were saying?

Some other time Mom. Some other time... ;)

It's Official: I'm Denser Than Mercury...

I stopped by the supermarket on the way to work this morning - and no, I wasn't slowed down in the checkout line this time - and as the female store clerk put my items into my plastic bags, she asked the strangest thing.

"Will you be needing any help carrying these items to your car today?" she asked.

Okay, I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself. This question wouldn't normally be considered strange, but here's what I was buying:

-a bag of salad
-one rotisserie chicken

Yep, that's it. Pretty much less than 3 lbs.

"Um, yeah, I think I can manage," I reply.

"Well, you never know," she says, before walking over to another checkout line.

I walk out of the store, and then realize what happened -- she was flirting with me.

Dear God, what is wrong with my head?

In math terms, it'd look like:
Cute girl + nonsensical statement = SHE WAS INTERESTED!

Have I looked down the barrel of rejection for so long that I can't see an opening when it appears right before me?

I am seriously beside myself. I am denser than Mercury. Heck, I am denser than Dark Matter.
I need a CAT scan STAT!

If ya'll excuse me, I've got "Get a CLUE Idiot!" exercises to work on... ;)

Scratch'n (aintu)...

You are
the itch I scratch
but still eludes me, you
have planted your flag in my head --
as much as it pains me,
I will do your
bidding...