It's The Devil You Know, I Suppose...

So Mom, you're lucky to have me as your son, right?

I guess.

Gee, thanks Mom. I mean, who would you rather be: My Mom, or the Mother of Lindsay Lohan?

If you put it that way - your mom, of course.

Well, I feel better.

Besides... who the heck is Lindsay Lohan? Is she famous?

Oh, never mind...

Mystic Cherry (senryu)...

Washington Cherries,
cold juices flow from each bite --
one bowl, saved my life...

Exploring my "Field of Dreams"...

***NOTE: Thanks to Mel for the title idea. Rock on, Karrot!***

Her skin smelled like cinnamon, soft like fresh sheared wool.

With eyes closed, I felt the heat of her body pressed against me, a bonfire consuming me with its flames.

My face was buried deep in her hair. It tickled my cheeks a little -- I think I even cracked a smile.

I found my way out of that eden of brown locks and discovered her lips -- oh, they tasted so sweet, like cold, raspberry tea on a hot afternoon.

And I just kept drinking, and drinking, knowing I had to come up for air sometime.

I broke away slowly, opening my eyes.

And there she was...

...Sally Field.

And yes, just to clear up any confusion, it wasn't her when she was
"Gidget":

But rather her as she is now:

And most definitely wasn't when she was
"The Flying Nun":

Where are your heads at, people?

So there I was, looking right into her darling brown eyes, and before I could say anything, she took her hand and ran her fingers through my hair.

She didn't say a word.

Neither did I.

I was too stunned to realize this was all a dream, but damn if it didn't feel so good.

Our lips met again, and again, over and over, then...

Well, you get the picture. I think we might have even cuddled afterwards.

When I woke up, the funniest thing happened. I had left the TV on, and you know what the first thing I saw was?

A commercial for Boniva. And who's the Spokeswoman for it?

That's right, it was none other than:

She must have entered my subconscious via the airwaves. God knows how many of those commercials I might have been listening to throughout the night!

And yet, do I regret this happened?

I guess I might have preferred:

But hey, I could've done a lot worse than such a sweet gal like Sally... ;)

Feeling like an Ass at the Supermarket checkout line...

I was in a rush.

I needed to be back in the office, and the mother of all slow-ass old women was in front of me, quietly taking out her double-quadruple coupons from a microscopic change purse and handing it every so slowly to the cashier, Mary.

Glaciers melt faster than this.

"Let's go, lady, let's go!", I thought.

Mary knows the old lady. They start up a quick banter.

"How you been, Doris?", asks Mary. Doris is trying to zip up her change purse.

"Well, not too good. Allen found out he has ALS. You know, Lou Gehrig's Disease?"

Mary looks up. "My God, I'm so sorry."

Doris shrugs it off like it's nothing, but it's not very convincing. "The doctors say that he's gotta eat, but he's not eating much. And he's so tired all the time. They're making him drink Ensure. You know Ensure? That stuff tastes AWFUL!"

Mary hands Doris the receipt. "You give my best to Allen, all right?"

"Will do." Doris grabs her groceries and walks out.

Mary turns to me. "How are you today, sir?"

"Good," I tell her. But what I really want to say is:

Yeah, I'm doing a helluva lot better than Doris. And here I am, sweating her over my purchase of wheat bread and bananas. I'm such a fucking asshole. I just have to get back to work. Doris needs to figure out how she's gonna take care of her husband, and how she's gonna get along without him.

It's moments like this that remind me of how fortunate I really am, and in so doing reminds me of how precious life really is.

I should always remember that.

Country Classic '07: Not A Bad Way To Spend Wednesday Night...

Here's what I did last night. Click on the boxes below to magnify the pics:



How about some video? Here's match point with Blake:



Here's Blake hitting around with some kids after the match:



And lastly, this is Blake taking on a whole bunch of kids, and then having a photo op:



Thanks for stopping by ya'll!... ;)

Baked, Not Fried...

DUDE!
You ever have
toast so crunchy you
thought it was
crunching you?
I was Chewing toast
and it sounded like
tiny rocks being
ground to dust in my
mouth - It was SOOO
LOUD I could barely
hear my thoughts
screaming at me,
for something,
uh,
something,
about,
uh...

...Where was I going
with this?

o.g. 2/8/07

Then Who Sang That?...

Come on baby Light My Fire...

Yeah, that's a good song Dad.

Ah, that Stevie Wonder.

What did you say?

Stevie Wonder. Didn't he write that?

Stevie Wonder didn't write Light My Fire. That's Jim Morrison and The Doors.

Oh, well excuuuuuuuuse me! But Stevie did do You Are The Apple of My Eye, right?

No Dad, You Are The Sunshine of My Life.

Really? Thanks son!

Ha ha, soooooo funny...

**According to Wikipedia, Stevie did cover Light My Fire, so my dad was only half right. But I'm still fully embarrassed... ;)

o.g. 2/12/07

Balloonorama...

Ever see the sky
painted with a
million red and yellow
balloons, so dense that
it blocked the sun and cast
an orange haze to the
Earth below?

No?
Me neither, but
I wish I did...

Sky Writ... (haiku)

Paper sky, pen writes
a sonnet in the clouds - read
it quick, gone real soon...

I Can't Thank You Enough - No, Seriously!...

Going through my mail awhile back, I received a very late (by 3 weeks) Thank You card from an uncle that really loved the blender we got him for Christmas.

Oh, U.S. Mail, I'm just glad you got the letter to me at all!

And then I thought - wouldn't it be great if Hallmark made a "Thank You for the Thank You card"? You know, so you can let the other person know that you received their Thank You and how happy you are to know that they like your gift, and to thank them for thanking you in the first place?

Yeah, sounds stupid.

But so did the idea of sharing music on the Internet.

Hey Hallmark - get crack'n!

Have a great weekend and I'll see ya'll next week!... ;)

Sunrise Tip-Toeing...

You had left early -
I imagine you groping
in the dark for your
clothes and keys,
tip-toeing out so as not
to disturb me --
but I wish you had,
'cause I would have said
your moves aren't bad,
though another chance
to etch you in my skin
would be grand...

... I'll miss you, er,
what's your name again?

Does It Look Like I Can Spare You 48 Hours?...

Spam sucks. Corporate Spam sucks the most because it completely bogs down your mail server.

I got one awhile back that read:

Personal Productivity and Time Management Seminar!

Do you feel like you waste time during the day and could be more efficient?
Do you want to be more organized?
Do you want to get more things done on your "to do list"?

Then join us for our 2-day Seminar!

To which I thought - ARE THEY KIDDING ME! I barely had time to read that stupid spam! If I could show up to this so-called "Time Management Personal Power Plan," then I wouldn't need the seminar, now would I!!!!!

Hey, if I enjoy wasting my time on blogging, that's my business.

That's how I roll... ;)

She Sort Of, Didn't, Uh...

Hey Bro.

Hey.

Why so glum?

It's... Michelle.

Oh. Maybe you'd rather --


Um, how do I put this...

-- Talk to someone --

... She sort of, didn't, uh, "finish" last night, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I don't know --


I mean, It was great! More than great! She is just amazing and wonderful, and I'm just PISSED that I can't seem to get her to the same "place" where I'm at, you know what I mean?

Yeah, Dave, I get it, but --

I've tried some Tantric positions, some massage, and even this new thing with my tongue --

Dave --

But NOTHING! I mean, what does this say about me as a man? As a lover?

Dave --

Oh God, you don't think it's because of the size of my --

DAVE!

Yeah Jim?

First, let me just say - you know you're my boy, right?

Yeah, I know.

But we've talked about this. And... I am NEVER going to be cool... with... talking about sexual problems you're having with my SISTER!

It's just that you're soooo easy to talk to --

I know, and I'm glad we can talk. But this is just TOO weird.

Oh. I'm sorry man.

It's all right, Dave.

So... not even a little?

Oh, Christ...

Cuisine-Induced Clarity...

It's unclear
as to when it happened,
but between the
toasted canapes and
the creme brulees,
I had this feeling,
deep down,
that I was not
the right ingredient
for your life's recipe,
nor were you the
spice to flavor my
memories --

We're lucky to find
misfortune in time
before committing to
a Set Menu...

Pressure-Sensitive...

You ask, "Does
this dress make
me look fat?"

I see no easy
course around this
"minefield" query:

step here, my
awful pokerface
will give me away

step there, I
might as well
sleep on the sofa

no choice but
to go with the
non-answer --

"Absolutely, positively,
in no way does it not
make you look radiant"...

Double-Tapped...

As sure the first shot was,
finding you sleeping with
another man in our own
bed was painful enough --

But to see that the man
in question was my own
brother, my own kin,
was what really did me in...

My Blue Hoodie...

You keep me warm
when the night is
frigidly cold

You keep me dry
on the rainy days
I can't bare to behold

You keep me safe
before the crises
hit me two-fold

You, my Blue Hoodie,
are a hero with countless
stories to be told...

***For Jenna Fischer - Get Well Soon... ;)***

6 Word Short Story: Marvel

***This one's dedicated to Ed and Lilly -- here's a preview of your life, hermano... ;)***

Baby's first steps. Daddy, is crying...

Oh, The Things That Pour Out Of You!...

You fancy yourself a
grand philosopher, a
Renaissance Man - he who
can cook, clean, sing,
and discuss on so many
topics of the world --

But when you said,
"I, have many faucets
to my personality," it was
then that I was sure you
meant facets - sad you
did not catch that --

Oh, you were spewing out
something all right!
Much ado about nothing
gibberish that is best left
suited for impressing those
of the dim-wit variety...

Can You Spell The Last Name?...

***Seriously, true conversation folks - only a few details have been changed to protect all involved***

RING!!

Hello, Greatview Hotel, how can I help you?

Yes, I wanted to reconfirm the room reservation for someone.

Certainly. What's the reservation under.

A Mr. Shin-Wei Fu.

I'm sorry, I didn't quite get all that. Can you spell the last name again?

F. U.

Well, I never! Same to you!

No, wait --

CLICK.