Day 2: Mojiko, Mekari Tenboutai, and Beppu Onsen...

Things I'm learning on the road here:
1. The rest stops here are totally awesome. Vending machines that spit out beer and fast food is something we are sorely lacking in America. Okay, maybe not.

2. The more we head out into the boonies, the more everything seems cleaner and more efficient. You wouldn't expect that from places that aren't even on the map, but they make it work here.

3. Japanese tourists that tour their own country carry very few cameras. Go figure.

All righty, here's what I shot today. Oh yeah, I don't think I'll have time to do video while on the road, so once I get back to Hong Kong, I'll have time to do some edits and uploads when I'm on a steadier schedule. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: Get on with it already!

Kinda like Golden Gate was my first thought.

Pretty common around these parts, cemeteries exist around housing in dense
pockets. I'm surprised there's not Japanese horror flick about ghosts
that haunt residents from their own backyard. Hmmm...

There's that blue guy again.

The entrance to some hot springs that had names such as Blue Hell, and
Red Hell.

Here's Blue Hell.

And that's Tommy Lee Jones selling coffee drinks.

Looks like Red Hell is super-serious about being "edgy".



Most dangerous thing I ate today? Fugu omelete aka omelete and Blowfish.
Yeah, THAT fish. I've got more video on this, but suffice it to say, I can't think
of a more needless way to risk my life for the sake of culinary delicacy.
My lips were a bit numb afterwards, but they say that's normal...


Coolest thing I ate today, pardon the pun? Waffle-ized Ice Cream!


It's basically ice cream injected into a waffle layer.
High concept, big flavor, and portable. Tastebuds approve.

This is where I crash for the night, notice something missing?

Ding! Magically, Housekeeping pulls out the floor-mat futon!
It should be an interesting sleep...

Stay tuned for more on the road... ;)

Fukuoka: Day 1, A Few Chosen Highlights...

Looks like as fast as I've arrived, I'm just about to take off in 8 hours. But here's a few things I saw:

It's a small airport, but the signs make the place grand.

A nice spot to chill, as if the park is "waving" at you.

Even the graffiti is pretty "clean".

Like a sort of street calligraphy that puts L.A. street taggers
to shame.

If you magnify the larger version of this photo, the blue
sign is of a man with a hat. What's with the hat, I ask?

Instead of pumps on the ground, gas is feed from the
ceiling. Makes stealing gas a bit of hassle. And speaking
of stealing...

... These bikes are all parked here, and they have locks
on them, but they aren't tethered to the metal rail. This
happens a lot, and it says even more about the culture.

A decent haircut in the time it takes to drink a latte?
Count me in!

Traffic that flows in perfect harmony.

Looks just like America, with a few twists:

Japanese "Slim Jims".

Exported U.S. pseudo-holidays.

An actual, fully-functioning pay phone that isn't
riddled with disease. Try and find oneof these in
a major U.S. city!

And of course, one of a few million instant vending machines,
for those that find 24 hour convenient stores not convenient
enough.

Strangest food consumed thus far? To the left,
chicken intestines with chives, and to the right, compacted
fish roe cut up in slices. And this is only the beginning
of the culinary adventure...

As usual, stayed tuned for more, as I'm not exactly sure
where I'll be ending up, or when I'll have the internet
again... ;)

Fukuoka: Day 1, and Man, What Long Journey...

18 hours, one connecting flight and countlesss re-heated meals later, I find myself in the strange, but very quaint, city of Fukuoka, Japan.

Having just arrived, it strikes me as the kind of place where even the Japanese would consider "spacious." It's dense, but it has the feel of Georgetown in D.C., with things looking oddly familiar, but different at the same time.

It's so clean that I can eat off the window pane outside my hotel room.

If there's one word I can use to sum up this place, it'd be immaculate.

I'll post some pics soon, taking advantage of the free internet at the place I'm at now, just so you know what I'm talking about.

Stay tuned... ;)

Random Haiku #81...

Pigeons and Seagull,
feasting on dropped corn kernels --
avian picnic...

Yes, I've been Criss Angel'ing my way around this week... ;)

Hey Hey Hey!

It's your favorite word slinging, douchebag-dousing, friendly neighborhood Albert, Simply Put speaking, and boy, do I have a lot to report.

Okay, not really, but I will say that I just came back from a week long video project in Sin City (Las Vegas), and no, it was all business, so if you're looking for stories about hookers and blow, you may want to read my older entries.

Suffice it to say, it looks like I've got a million-bajillion blogs and e-mails to get to (I only had dial-up in the area I was at), so i guess I better get crack'n.

Oh yeah, has anyone seen Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist yet? If you have, I'd love a review, 'cause I think it's worth checking out.

Supa Winks!... ;)

The 60th PrimeTime Emmy Awards: The Douchebag Chronicles Strike Again!...

Ah, Awards Season.

I can truly admit that going to the Emmy's is my grandest indulgence as a Hollywood douchebag. Granted, it's been about two years since the last time I went in person, but man, some things never change. Like Mario Lopez. The guy still looks like he spends his free time in cryogenic freeze when he's not out and about. No human looks THAT well preserved. Okay, maybe George Hamilton.

The last time I wrote this sort of entry, someone cried "bullshit". I don't usually take it personally, but I figure that I'm just gonna set the record straight. I have no reason to lie about this, 'cause this is just all a part of who I am. Don't worry, I'll pick up the names I drop.


First things first - here's the proof:

Tickets for the awards ceremony and the Governor's Ball
right afterward.

Oh yeah, please excuse the pics -- I had to take them on a cameraphone because it's hard to sneak in cameras unless you're with the press.

Taken on the 2nd tier of the Nokia Center, located in Downtown
LA, the new venue for the Emmys; behind the red carpet exit.


Souvenir programs. I kept getting asked where you find these.
"It's right by the GIANT PILE behind you."


The stage, T-minus 1 hour to show. The seats only got
filled in completely10 minutes prior to the beginning.
Cutting it close is ALWAYS in their vocabulary.

During the pre-show, they'd show us the Pre-Show from
E! Entertainment on the giant screens. It was soooo existential.
It's like being at a party where someone reminds you constantly
of how cool the party is.

A crappy pic of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Hayden
Panettiere presenting an award together.

Steve Martin doing an intro for Laugh-In. Funny as all heck
as usual.

Christina Applegate and Christian Slater.




Ah, Sally Field -- the woman I subconsciously dream about.
For those that are in the know, you know what I'm talking
about. Boniva, anyone?


Don Rickles accepting an award. Even funnier than
Steve Martin, this guy has still got it.


Matthew Weiner and the cast of Mad Men, accepting the
award for Best Drama. This show is definitely a force
to be reckoned with.


The blurry after-image of everyone bum-rushing out of
the theater ALL AT THE SAME FREAK'N TIME. This
is where the cattle metaphors all come into play.
Organized chaos, most outrageously.


Inside the Governor's Ball, the only crappy picture I took
of it. In the middle of the room, a spinning Emmy rotates
slowly, making everyone feel like a winner, I suppose.


The menu included Avocado seafood salad, a surf/turf
main course of beef and shrimp, and a chocolate desert
to die for.





And yes, here's me in the audience, behind the orchestera,
stage right.


And one more shot for posterity.

All and all, not too shabby a night.

Last personal thoughts on the evening:

**Christina Hendricks from Mad Men, in real life, really does look curvy and sexy as f--k.

**BJ Novak from The Office looked a little upset that they lost for Best Comedy. Hey man, there's always next year.

**I'm sure Glenn Close is a nice person, but even she can't be bothered by taking pictures with her fans. I'm just saying, a little fan-love goes a long way...

**Michael C. Hall from Dexter is pretty darn tall in person.

**Larry David goes to the bathroom. A lot.

And that's all I'm gonna drop for the evening. If anyone has any more doubts, I'll do a YouTube confessional... ;)

Yes, Women Say No To Me All The Time...

What is it about you?

What do you mean?

You know exactly what I mean!

I'm not following.

You go out with the hottest girls in town - in any town - for that matter! Do girls ever say "No" to you?

Of course they do. Who do you think I am, God?

Name one time that that's happened.

Well, just the other night, a girl couldn't stop telling me "No."

All right, now we're getting somewhere.

Yeah, she was like "No... don't stop, keep GOING! No... Harder! HARDER! No... DEEPER!" --

You're such a dick.

0.g. 7/13/08

Yes, I've Been Here But Absent, And Also...

Dear fellow bloggers and readers,

It has been waaaaaaaaaaay too long since the last time I've written anything, and I can feel some of you growing weary of me taking from the till, leaving nothing but crumbs and lint in my wake.

What can I say?

Well, I just bought a new computer and camera, so there could be more video diaries and singing coming your way.

I'll be heading to Michigan this weekend to celebrate a birthday milestone. I don't know if I'll share video of that, but I'll also be making some sidetrips, so I'll probably shoot on the road and bring back something to the dinner table.

And of course, I'm not pregnant, but thanks for asking... ;)