The Best of "Nothing Fights" - So You Want Fries Or Not?

INT. Restaurant - NIGHT
B= Boy
G= Girl
W= Waiter

G: Honey, what are you gonna have?
B: I think I might just go with the burger.
G: Oh good, that comes with fries!

Boy flops down his menu.

G: What?
B: Oh, you know what!

Girl silent.

B: If you want fries, why don't you just order them?
G: 'Cause I can't finish a whole order by myself?
B: But we can take the rest home!
G: Yeah, but they'll be all soggy and oily later.
B: If we nuke them, it'll be all right.
G: It's just not the same.

Boy sighs.

B: Do you think just once - just, once - I can get my own fries?
G: I don't see why we can't share. You don't love me enough to share, is that it?
B: Yes, I mean, no...

Boy pauses.

B: Everytime I get them, you eat ALL OF THEM!
G: It's not my fault you're a slow eater.
B: Just because I like to ENJOY MY FOOD!
G: I thought you didn't like fries anyway.
B: I love fries! Curly, spicy, steak-size, shoestring, tater-tots, hashborwns, you name it! I really love it when I can EAT THEM!

Silence.

G: So... you want fries or not?

Waiter comes up.

W: Ready to order?
B: Uh, yeah, can I get the burger, but instead of fries... can I get cole slaw?
G: (mutters to herself) Dick.


And, scene... ;)