Thursday, February 28, 2008

Random Haiku #74...

Man at the fruit stand,
selling "melon-on-a-stick" --
quite, the fructose schtick...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Random Haiku #73...

Was forced to wear shoes,
soles of feet felt trapped by heat --
my toes love to breathe!!!



***a day without sandals is a day not worth fighting for... ;)***

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Random Haiku #72...

Girl on bicycle,
riding barefoot in the rain --
pedaled, for sunshine...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Really, I Ain't Sweat'n It... (senryu)

I'm still a "Plus One"
on "Single's Awareness Day" --
but I'm not lonely...



***If you're with that special someone, I wish you all the best.

If you find yourself without, then don't bother to pout --

love. is. everywhere -

and that ain't the Hallmark talking... ;)***

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Have a Laugh This Saturday Night...

As part of my ongoing mission to keep my life less ordinary, I've been working with the comedy troupe Unmentionables and have been their editor and YouTube guy for almost a month.

So, if you're in the LA area and have nothing better to do, why not catch them live?

Here's the promo for this Saturday night's show. The address and info are at the end of the clip, but in case you don't have time to stop and pause it, here you go:

Saturday, February 9th @ 8PM!
The Next Stage Theatre
1523 N La Brea Ave
LA, CA 90028
$10 At The Door
Valentine's Day Raffle
Drinks Available
Bring A Date!!!




And here's a sketch from one of their earlier shows, which is sure to take you back to your childhood, or someone's childhood, anyway:



Supa at ya'll... ;)

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Random Haiku #71...

Cup left on car roof,
potential for disaster --
windshield looks thirsty...

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Door Should Have Had A Warning Sign...

All day, I've been thinking to myself, "If I had just waited a few more minutes..."

Flashback 7 hours ago:

I drink quite a bit of fluids throughout the workday to keep myself super-hydrated - whether it be water, tea, watered-down tea, you name it. And of course, the call of nature screams right into my ear when I least need it to. But do I change my habits? Not really. Besides, heading to the restroom at work is a God-given right and an excuse to take a non-break in the middle of a busy day.

I have only myself to blame...


So I head to the men's room and before I know it - BAM!!!! KA-POW!!!!

I've been slammed in the face by a smell so foul that I feel like I just ran face first into Chuck Liddell's fist. My head whiplashes, as the wave of odor shoots right past my nostrils and into my cerebellum. Truly, I could almost see stars and everything.

Okay, I bet you think it's because the smell was from someone's leftover "business", right?

No, this was something far worse.

This was the smell of air freshener GONE BANANAS.

It felt as if someone blew up an entire potpourri factory made up of rotten flowers in the stall -- in fact, I think the smell of someone's "business" would have been better than the effervescent perfume that was invading every part of my senses.

But I had no choice. I had a mission to accomplish and I was just gonna have to suck it up, convulsions and all.

With eyes watering and nose melting off, I did what needed to be done, and shot out of there as if I was on fire.

Breathing through my mouth for several minutes, I was able to gain back my composure and take back my body from anaphylactic shock. EMTs would not be needed this day.

"If I had just waited a few more minutes..."

But the mystery remains: was the air freshener working alone, or was it a "hybrid" stink of some sorts? Really, I'm in no hurry to solve this case, 'cause I'm sure I probably don't want to know anyway... ;)

Sunday, February 03, 2008

You Never Want To Start A Message With These 7 Words...

I wouldn't say I get a lot of subliminally mean messages at the 'ol sweatshop - er, I mean, office - but today's was a bit crueler than usual because it is of one of those messages I affectionately refer to quite simply as, a "Could You Kindly Fix This With A Side Of F--k You".

And how, you might ask, did I know I was heading toward the slippery-slope?

The message started with these 7 words: "I hope all is well with you."

Seriously, no good news EVER starts with this.

I could be over-reacting, but it just seems to me the most forboding way to start any business message. Would I prefer it to start with "Please prepare your anus to be ripped to shreds"? Maybe not, but at least it's more truthful than the passive-aggressive nature of trying to seem civilized.

Basically, the message started out like this:

Please should you be so kind to inform Co.X on the modification of the paperwork to the amount of US$200.00 instead of the wrong value declared of US$600.00.

Okay, so I put the wrong value on the forms, but seriously, did they have to put it all in BOLD?

The message goes on to chastise my so-called negligence of not knowing that the item materials had changed value -- you know, since I wasn't told there was a change in the first place, I guess it really is "my bad."

I am doled the role of scapegoat today, and of course, the person generating the correction comes out looking like the hero because they were able to catch this "most heinous, and grievous error" before any lasting damage was done. The world is safe once more, for properly filled out forms.

So, all is well with me?

Yeah - just as soon as I fix this mess...;)

o.g.1/31/08

Funny, I Don’t Feel Like A Finkelstein, Either...

True story:

I was at a Starbuck's last week, and this is how it went down:

Employee: Hi, what would you like today?

Me: I'll have a Venti Green Tea Iced Tea, Unsweetened please.

Employee: What's your name? (scribbling on the cup)

Me: Albert.

And so I get my drink, sip it on the way to work, and when I set it down on my desk I finally notice it:



And then I thought, did I grab someone else's drink? But then everyone else was ordering hot beverages, and just me the weirdo getting something cold in the morning.

It must be all the loud blending noise in the background. Yeah, that's it.

And besides, ALBERT is a pretty easy name to screw up... ;)

o.g. 1/29/08

Cubicle Ponderings 012308...

Why would a solar-powered calculator need an "Off" button?... ;)

o.g.1/23/08

Saturday, February 02, 2008

How My Saturday Night Went Down...

What was supposed to happen but didn't:


What ended up being the remedy to a bad situation:



Ah, messy All-You-Can Eat and full stomachs
triumphs once more... ;)